Incessant Divagation

“LOOKING FOR A SIGN” 

by Rick Jones, Husband of the Minister's Wife

Last week I promised to share messages from the sign in front of Goodold Baptist Church. There were plenty of common messages announcing special meetings or saying things like “JESUS IS RISEN”, but the offbeat ones had a special place for me. Not all of the examples here were original with me. I found many ideas online. Just search for “funny church sign messages” [but finish reading this article first].

SEVEN DAYS WITHOUT PRAYER 

MAKES ONE WEAK 

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OPEN SUNDAYS

SINNERS WELCOME 

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IF YOU ARE TOO BUSY 

TO PRAY

YOU ARE TOO BUSY 

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1 CROSS PLUS 

3 NAILS EQUALS 

4 GIVEN 

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TO LEARN ABOUT LIFE

READ PSALMS, NOT PALMS 

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CH__CH 

WHAT'S MISSING? 

UR 

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YOUR ETERNAL RESERVATIONS: 

SMOKING OR NON-SMOKING? 

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JESUS WILL RETURN 

SEE THE LIGHT 

OR FEEL THE HEAT 

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APRIL 1ST

INTERNATIONAL ATHEIST DAY

PSALM 14:1

But I never could top my favorite message of all, which was not found on a church sign, but was displayed outside a gas station / convenience store:

THE BOSS TOLD ME

TO CHANGE THE MESSAGE

ON THIS STUPID SIGN

SO I DID

Incessant Divagation

“CAN'T SLEEP? READ THIS ARTICLE” 

by Rick Jones, Husband of the Minister's Wife

When I was pastoring, I often changed the church sign message myself. I enjoyed using unusual sayings that might attract attention, then remain in a driver's mind long after they had passed the sign. Occasionally, people would stop their vehicles on the side of the road and take pictures of the messages. That always made me feel like I'd done something right.

Once I used a series of three messages for a personal joke – though they each made sense on their own. I started with

CAN'T SLEEP? 

DON'T COUNT SHEEP 

TALK TO THE SHEPHERD 

followed by

CAN'T SLEEP?

A CLEAR CONSCIENCE

MAKES A SOFT PILLOW

and ending with

TROUBLE SLEEPING?

COME HEAR

OUR PASTOR PREACH!

I thought the last one was hilarious. I was sure people would think someone had pulled a fast one on the pastor, when I was the person who put it on the sign. Plus, the sermon that Sunday was called “A Cure for Insomnia”, in which I told people that a clear conscience makes a soft pillow, so they should talk to the Shepherd and confess their sins. [David relates his quality of sleep to his relationship with God in several Psalms.]

While that third message was up, one day Lois thought she heard something outside [we lived next to the church]. She stepped out and saw a woman who had stopped her van and was standing in our yard, taking pictures of the sign. When the photographer realized that she had an audience, she ran like she'd been caught vandalizing the sign! She jumped into her van and stomped the gas pedal, spinning her tires and spraying gravel into our grass as she made her “getaway”.

When Lois told me the story, we both had a good laugh. But I didn't think it was quite as funny when I was outside later, cleaning the lawn of gravel.

Next Friday: a sampling of some of the allegedly funny and clever church sign messages we displayed