“MAKING LIGHT OF THE DARK”
by Rick Jones, Husband of the Minister's Wife
How can I joke about an amputation?
That's a fair question. I've been through a rough experience, and even though losing one toe is relatively minor, that doesn't make it funny. I'd like to share my serious answer to the question, even though serious musings are not really what this column is about. I'm not going to justify this change of tone any further, because [1] it would take up too much space, and [2] anyone who has read much of what I've written in the past should expect me to wander from the general path – as I've mentioned before, it's perfectly fine for a hunting dog to leave its original quarry by chasing a rabbit, provided the rabbit has enough meat on it.
Humans are complex beings with many interacting facets. What you eat affects your mood. Moods affect thoughts. Thoughts affect moods. Moods can affect what you choose to eat. Sometimes we let these interactions go unmonitored and that usually leads to trouble. But we have choices. This is obvious when it comes to food choices or whether or not you brush your teeth, but it's also true of thoughts.
I've faced my share of downers in life, and I don't see any value in making bad times worse by focusing on the negative. Proverbs 17:22 says, “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine; but a broken spirit drieth the bones.” For years, Reader's Digest has published a popular section called “Laughter, the Best Medicine.” Laughing about calamity isn't denial of the situation, but it helps keep things in perspective. What better way to fight the dark times than by making light of them?
This concept is important to me because I have a ongoing struggle with depression. The problem isn't solved by just one response, be it pills, prayer, or prune juice. Medication, religious disciplines, diet, entertainment, friendships and sleep patterns all affect my moods. And that's pretty much true for every person on the planet.
The same applies to how we choose to think about and respond to situations. I don't try to minimize the troubles that come along, but I don't want to magnify them, either. Bad news is part of life, so living in denial of the bad is bad. It puts you out of sync with the universe, never a good situation. But bad things are only part, not all, of life. One way I choose to keep things in perspective is to laugh – not laugh all the time, but to be sure to include humor in my thinking.
Some folks call this a “coping mechanism.” But that label doesn't make it any less valid. You can call sleep a coping mechanism for exhaustion, food a coping mechanism for hunger, umbrellas a coping mechanism for rain. So I joke about an amputated toe . . . and walk away chuckling. If that makes a few people think I'm a bit mentally skewed, so be it. I'll reply with the Waylon Jennings lyric: “I've always been crazy, but it's kept me from going insane.”
Actually, I feel a little sorry for people who “don't get it” when it comes to making light of the darkness. I think they just don't appreciate the value of laughter. Maybe at some point in life they had a humorectomy – that is, their funny bone was surgically removed. I'd rather part with a toe any day.
I get the concept of making light of the darkness, but sometimes it's just not appropriate to do so. And since you never know when you'll offend someone, it's better to just keep it to yourself most of the time.
ReplyDeleteI would agree when it is someone else going through the problem. But when it is your problem that would be different. He also didn't say he does it all the time. It's always a judgement call and since he has dealt with many, many people over the years as a pastor, he has learned when it is or is not appropriate.
Delete[Actually, I'm Rick Jones, but I don't have an account URL or whatever it's called and Lois is napping]
DeleteJoking during or about tragedy can be bad in real life, even though it always seems to work out in James Bond films. And while I've visited many people in the hospital, Lois's remark is incorrect -- I haven't really learned when it's appropriate and it occasionally offended. But more often than not, when I tried it, people realized that they could still laugh, and the lighter mood countered the sense of being overwhelmed or victimized. So I took the risk, because I consider it wrong to have something that could help and then withhold it.
I have trouble anyway with using the "it might offend" standard because in our overly sensitive, politically correct society, one would soon be saying nothing at all. For example, I often joke about food. But when I want to mention sausage, should I refrain because it might offend Jews and vegetarians? Should I refrain from using that example because it might offend Muslims and Vegans because I didn't mention them by name? And when I prefaced the example by implying that "saying nothing" is a bad thing, did I offend mimes?
So -- it's a judgment call. And just to be clear, I was not offended by your reply. The fact that it was in response to the first "serious" article for my "Incessant Divagation" column makes me think I should stick to the slapstick and not discuss comedy as serious business. Maybe humor is something like sausage: it's easier to enjoy when you don't think about how it's made.
No offense intended to Jews, Muslims, pork producers, vegans, or vegetarians.
The preceding list is in alphabetical order, to avoid any offensive hint of preference.
"Actually, I feel a little sorry for people who “don't get it” when it comes to making light of the darkness."
ReplyDeleteI feel sorry for these people, too. Laughter is still the best medicine and everything becomes lighter when you learn to laugh or smile about how you feel or your problems.
That's how my husband and I think and feel. I know in grief I always feel much better when I think of the fun things I enjoyed with the loved one I lost. Remembering the past laughter brings on current laughter and helps!
DeleteYou are a very wise woman. There can be so many things to be upset over. Sometimes laughter is the best remedy to get us through this. It's great that you have that frame of mind.
ReplyDeleteThanks! I'm not so sure it is wisdom as much as experience. It's something I and my husband have learned over the years. Laughter helps through so many things!
DeleteJoking or laughing about an illness makes the pain lighter, but of course, it's just for us and not for other people. We do this to help a loved one recover fast.
ReplyDeleteIt really does help a lot! There are times when it is not called for, but generally it is one of the best ways to not focus on the negative!
DeleteLaughing is absolutely essential. I understand making light of the darkness. As long as it is your pain and not someone else's pain that you are joking about. Well, you can joke about mine if you want. I don't get offended easily
DeleteI think laughter is some really good medicine. It definitely helps me get through some of the tougher times in life. I understand!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you do understand. it has helped us through a lot of things.
DeleteI think we have to make light out of darkness otherwise we would go insane. We have all had really bad stuff happen to us but the only way to get through it is to laugh and thank God tomorrow is a new day.
ReplyDeleteI agree! Life is too short to focus on the negative especially when there is so much to rejoice over!
DeleteI think I would pick losing a toe over losing my funny bone as well.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't know what to do with him if he ever lost his sense of humor. That's one of the things that drew me to loving hims so much!
DeleteI love this. You have to stay positive even in a bad situation. Someone could be dealing with something way worse than you. Sorry about your toe too by the way. And I must also add that I love that quote! “I've always been crazy, but it's kept me from going insane.”
ReplyDeleteI am so glad to read this post after reading the joking post. What a beautiful and encouraging post. Laughter is a big part of life. My favorite moments are always full of love and laughter.
ReplyDeleteI personally think it’s okay to joke during a sad time. If it’s your tragedy, you can react, cope, and treat it as you please, as you’re comfortable with. Not every one grieves by crying and asking God why. I had a boss that lost her son at a young age (20 years old). She didn’t go into a deep depression. She didn’t question life ro blame anyone. She dealt with it in her own way. She was criticized for it, but all that matters is that she still found the light in such a dark situation.