“IF YOU'RE NOT BUZZ, BE THERE”
by Rick Jones, Husband of the Minister's Wife
Many people think that pastors have it easy. The old saying is that preachers only work on Sundays and Wednesdays, but it takes four guys to carry their salary. There are those who actually think the pastor gets whatever is collected in the offering plate. I once gave a man $20 from my own wallet so he could put gas in his car. He said, “Don't worry, Pastor, I'll get it back to you. I'll put it in the plate.” I knew right then that I'd never see the money again. First, I received a salary from the church budget, which wasn't based on how much was collected in the offering. Second, that guy rarely put anything in the plate because he rarely came to church. He always promised that he'd “be there next week”, but in eight years, I think he attended six times. Three were Easter services. The other three were Sundays just before he had to appear in court. I guess he figured that God would see him those times and sort of forget the other 400+ Sundays he'd slept in, or was “sleeping one off”.
Maybe that's too harsh. I shouldn't count the Sundays that he was serving his jail sentences. The “toss God a dime on the way to the judge” gambit apparently hadn't worked out.
One Sunday the bulletin included an insert announcing “No Excuses Sunday”. It explained that everyone should attend that day, because:
“There will be jackets for those who think the church is too cold; fans for those who think the church is too hot; hearing aids for those who think the pastor is too quiet; ear plugs for those who think the pastor is too loud; potted palms for those who like to spend Sunday communing with nature; cots for those who use Sunday to catch up on their rest; and for those people who aren't happy unless they have something to gripe about, the bulletin will contain at least too misspellings.”
And I made sure to print those last words as “too misspeelings”.
The bulletin cover showed a famous picture of Apollo 11's Edward “Buzz” Aldrin, Jr.
OKAY, THIS GUY IS EXCUSED.
THE REST OF YOU
SHOULD BE HERE ON SUNDAY!
So clever! Love the creativity and humor. So did it work?
ReplyDeleteI'll let him tell you!
DeleteDid it work? Hard to say, because if attendance went up, I wouldn't survey people as to why, and if I did, how many people would answer "I come to church more because I like to look for mispeelings in the bulletin and I'm a big fan of astronaut pictures"?
ReplyDeleteOooh, I can hear the people wondering on that survey!!
DeleteI love it! A Pastor with a great sense of humor is great!
ReplyDeleteHe does have a good sense of humor and thankfully most everyone at the church liked it!
DeleteChurches are having decreased attendance. What a great idea to get people going. lol
ReplyDeleteCreative anyway! LOL!!
DeleteI hope it worked. You write very well, I admire you for it.
ReplyDeleteI keep telling him he needs to write more. I'd like him to write some books as well as another column here.
DeleteI love that bulletin! I always seem to be making up excuses to keep from going to church, haven't been the last 3 week. Need to get my butt in there!
ReplyDeleteThat would be a good idea!! i do understand how it can be easy to come up with reasons why not to go. I always feel so much better when I do though!!
DeleteLOL. What a great way to have them attend church. I feel sad that there was a decrease in attendance.
ReplyDeleteDecreased attendance is pretty common in most churches today. It's very sad!!
DeleteReally wished it worked. Very creative blog post.
ReplyDelete