by Rick Jones, Husband of the Minister's Wife
Many people think that pastors have it easy. The old saying is that preachers only work on Sundays and Wednesdays, but it takes four guys to carry their salary. There are those who actually think the pastor gets whatever is collected in the offering plate. I once gave a man $20 from my own wallet so he could put gas in his car. He said, “Don't worry, Pastor, I'll get it back to you. I'll put it in the plate.” I knew right then that I'd never see the money again. First, I received a salary from the church budget, which wasn't based on how much was collected in the offering. Second, that guy rarely put anything in the plate because he rarely came to church. He always promised that he'd “be there next week”, but in eight years, I think he attended six times. Three were Easter services. The other three were Sundays just before he had to appear in court. I guess he figured that God would see him those times and sort of forget the other 400+ Sundays he'd slept in, or was “sleeping one off”.
Maybe that's too harsh. I shouldn't count the Sundays that he was serving his jail sentences. The “toss God a dime on the way to the judge” gambit apparently hadn't worked out.
One Sunday the bulletin included an insert announcing “No Excuses Sunday”. It explained that everyone should attend that day, because:
“There will be jackets for those who think the church is too cold; fans for those who think the church is too hot; hearing aids for those who think the pastor is too quiet; ear plugs for those who think the pastor is too loud; potted palms for those who like to spend Sunday communing with nature; cots for those who use Sunday to catch up on their rest; and for those people who aren't happy unless they have something to gripe about, the bulletin will contain at least too misspellings.”
And I made sure to print those last words as “too misspeelings”.
The bulletin cover showed a famous picture of Apollo 11's Edward “Buzz” Aldrin, Jr.
OKAY, THIS GUY IS EXCUSED.
THE REST OF YOU
SHOULD BE HERE ON SUNDAY!