Friday, June 19, 2015

Incessant Divigation


“FOOT FAQS” 
by Rick Jones, Husband of Minister's Wife 

Humor can be tricky business. It's so easy to cross the boundary line of good taste and offend someone unintentionally. My first sermon as a full-time pastor . . . no, I'll save that story for another day. This is about my toe amputation.

Amputation isn't ordinarily a funny topic, and I realize it can be a traumatic, tragic event. Some readers may think it's in poor taste to joke about it. But my subject is my amputation. Answering questions about it has proven to be amusing to myself and others.

 Foot FAQs: Fairly Annoying Questions about what's left of my left foot

1. Why did you have your toe cut off?
   I was field testing my scheme to become the winner of next season's TV competition, The Biggest Loser.

2. Seriously, how did you lose your toe?
   I didn't lose it, they took it from me!

3. How does your toe feel now?
   How would I know? If you really have to know, call the surgeon – he had it last.

4. Where there any complications to the surgery?
   I'm experiencing a “role reversal” effect between my proboscis and my pedal extremities. In layman's terms, that means my nose runs and my feet smell.

5. Why didn't you keep the severed toe?
   Short answer: Lois said “no.” More accurate answer: Lois said “NO!” Long answer: Lois said “NO!” because I said I wanted to preserve the toe in brine in a small bottle and wear that on a chain around my neck. Then I could go to biker bars with my brother. I figured it would give me instant street cred as long as no one learned that it was actually my own toe. Lois also rejected my second plan, which was to sell the toe on eBay.

6. How can you joke about having your toe removed?
   There's a serious answer to that question, which I'll share next week. This week's answer is, insomnia and pharmaceuticals. Because of pain from the toe infection and the added complication of food poisoning, I hadn't slept for more than an hour at a time for two days. At the hospital, I received morphine and an anesthetic. Your perspective on just about anything can be positive and downright whimsical when you're eight miles high and can have more morphine on request.

26 comments:

  1. This is too funny! It's good you have a sense of humor about your toe!

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    1. He sure does! It has really helped the whole family deal with it! Humor can really help a lot of people if they just let it.

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  2. Very funny, humor can be a great way to deal with health issues at times. As a nurse I think that this can help ease some of the tension associated with an illness

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    1. I would agree. While he was in the hospital, he enjoyed joking with all the staff that came in his room!

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  3. I love how you can laugh about it! I'm glad you're not wearing it on a chain around your neck, by the way. lol

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    1. I'm glad he's not wearing on a chain around his neck! Ick!!

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  4. Good thing you have a sense of humour about it, personally I think it would toe-tally suck!!

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  5. Ha! Way to have a good sense of humor! Love your attitude!

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    1. Most days he does have a great sense of humor and I am glad he did during the whole process!

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  6. Lol. These are funny and I enjoyed reading all the answers. I suppose that's because of the morphine and anesthetic. Looking forward to reading next week's answer.

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    1. The drugs may have dad something to do with it, but he does have a good sense of humor!

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  7. Too funny! I loved reading this! Shared!

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    1. Thanks for sharing it! We appreciate it!

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  8. This and your positive attitude will help you recover fast. Thanks for the laugh. I enjoyed this week's article.

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    1. I'm glad you enjoyed it! He's had a pretty good attitude about losing the toe, much better than I would have I think!

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  9. Ahhhhhhhh…wear your toe around your neck? And Lois said 'no!' – lol! I could never keep my severed toe, that's just too big of a reminder to have. I did keep a tooth I had pulled that looked really scary because the roots were crazily twisted. I wanted to dip that gold and wear it around my neck, but was too embarrassed to move forward with that plan.

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    1. He was a little serious when he said he wanted to keep it, but knew I would be beyond creeped out!!

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  10. Haha this is hilarious! I read it through three times, it is so funny. I love "I don't know, you will have to ask the surgeon, he had is last." I am dying over here - this is great!

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    1. I'm really glad you enjoyed it! he does like to keep people laughing. That's one thing I really love about him, his sense of humor. But don't tell him I told you. It will go to his head. LOL!

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  11. This was so much fun to read! There are probably a few people I know that would want to wear it around their neck. haha

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    1. Just the thought of him wearing it around his neck is disturbing to me. No thank you!!

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  12. I don't know much about amputation. I know that it is high risk in my family because diabetes is high risk. It's good to have a sense of humor though.

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    1. It's very high risk for anyone with diabetes, and more so for feet. We knew about it before, but had no idea how fast something can come on and get dangerously bad! Way faster than you would imagine!

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  13. Well, I must say, your hubby has a heck of a sense of humor haha! I love when someone is very positive and makes the best out of situations.

    HAHAHA at The Biggest Loser comment! Lol What a jokester he is. I laughed through this entire post! Very entertaining!

    Also, I think it's lovely that your hubby helps write for your blog. Very sweet of him.

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  14. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'm also glad he writes for me. I wish he did more than just one column a week, but I'll take that for now!!

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