Friday, May 15, 2015

Incessant Divagation


“YES, I WANT FRIES WITH THAT” 
by Rick Jones, Husband of the Minister's Wife 

In a recent survey, four out of five doctors recommended food as a cure for hunger. The fifth doctor was out to lunch when we conducted the survey.

I like to joke about food, think about food, cook food, but mostly I like to eat food. That's not always a good thing. Back when Lois and I got married, I had a physique much like a young Charles Bronson. Now it's more like a middle aged Oliver Hardy. [Facially, I'm told I resemble the guy who played “Cooter” on The Dukes of Hazzard, but without his “good ol' boy” smile.] My abdominal “six pack” looks more like a keg. I'm sure my love of food has a lot to do with the change.

As a diabetic, I try to regulate what I eat, but my doctor doesn't think I really understand the concept. Following some blood work, he told me that my cholesterol was a bit high. “In addition to the diabetic diet, I'm also putting you on a diet for your cholesterol.” “Being on two diets sounds great,” I said, “because I can't get near enough food on just one.” I won't share the specifics of his reaction, but the volume was so high that I then needed a prescription for my earache. Actually, I thought I was an overachiever. Based on caloric intake, I had done two years of dieting in just six months.

I had planned to tell the story of my recent emergency room visit because of food poisoning, but that will be postponed to next week, because now I'm too hungry to continue writing. Besides, I saw a report somewhere that cow flatulence contributes to global warming and I need to do what I can as a responsible occupant of Earth. Less cows, less flatulence, less warming, right? So don't think of me as overeating. Just think of me as saving the planet, one cheeseburger at a time. And yes, I want fries with that. I haven't heard that potatoes are causing global warming, but you just can't be too careful. I don't trust potatoes. Something about all those eyes . . .

[I start feeling old when I realized how many people reading this might have no idea who Charles Bronson and Oliver Hardy were, and don't know that years before a very bad movie, Cooter Davenport and the Duke boys appeared in a very fun TV show.]

34 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. he has a fun way of communicating doesn't he?!

      Delete
  2. Well I knew who all of those guys are/were! You made me laugh but on a serious note, if you haven't seen it, check out Forks Over Knives on Netflix. My husband who also is a diabetic, has improved his A1c significantly using their recipes. (From 12 to 6.5!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He'll be glad to know someone actually knows the people he mentioned. In reality, his A1c is right around 7. He is doing pretty well with his sugar, but he likes to joke around about food. I'll check into the recipes though. Always need more to choose from!

      Delete
  3. I just about spit out my water. LOL! Less cows, less flatulence, less warming! Love your analogy! See we are all doing our part by eating :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He brings that up often, more than I would like. But it is pretty funny!

      Delete
  4. I like the idea of less cows. I dont eat cows for other reasons.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He'll be glad to help you out by removing a few one burger at a time! LOL!

      Delete
  5. I grew up watching Dukes of Hazzard so I totally know where you're at. Good on you doing your part with the global warming issue too. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He'll be glad to hear you watched the Dukes and he'll keep helping global warming one burger at a time (two if I'm not watching!).

      Delete
  6. Killed a ten sack of White Castles with fries in your honor. Funny, my Dr doesn't think I get it either. As to the young Charles Bronson...we all have our delusions of youth.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. White Castle??? Really. Rally's for this guy!! LOL!

      Delete
  7. You are too cute! I'm sure you don't look like Cooter. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  8. This is a cute and funny post. Don't worry, I know Charles Bronson. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He'll be glad to know someone does remember him!

      Delete
  9. You are too funny!! Life's too short to not enjoy a cheeseburger.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He would completely agree with you!

      Delete
  10. Funny story. Hope you are feeling better from your er visit.

    ReplyDelete
  11. You are very funny Mr. Rick :-) Yes! I love French fries too. I know my stomach will disagree. I am back to my hula hoop and jumping rope today. Thank you for the French fries, ice cream and cake.

    ReplyDelete
  12. French Fries are tough not to eat. They are a favorite in my family! Sorry to say but I didn't know who they were. I was always outside when I was younger though so that could be why.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well those people were from way back in the 70's and before, so if you weren't young then, chances are you would not know who they were.

      Delete
  13. This is such a funny post, I loved every part of it. I really like the idea of less cows. You made my day!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad you enjoyed the post! He's going to be here every Friday. Hope you come back!

      Delete
  14. You made me laugh!!!! I hope you're feeling better! Eat up!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He does like to make people laugh. He is feeling better too!

      Delete
  15. I know who all 3 of those people are!! Great post! I look forward to these!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so glad you look forward to them! Hope you continue to!

      Delete